by Matt Sperling
Every year two groups of people vote on who gets inducted into the Magic: The Gathering Hall of Fame. Every player with over 100 Pro Points gets to submit a ballot that’s worth 1 vote for every person on the ballot. Makes sense. The other group of people is the “Selection Committee.” Each member of this committee gets to submit a ballot that’s worth TWO votes for every person on the ballot. Makes sense.
(full list found here: http://www.wizards.com/Magic/Magazine/HallOfFame.aspx?x=mtgevent/hof/selcommittee)
So how do they decide who is on the selection committee? In their words:
“Each was chosen for his or her place in the history of the game.”
Well, that’s vague enough to not have any meaning, so we better dig into this year’s committee to find out who made that list and why. I’ve broken the 2011 Selection Committee into groups according to their worthiness of the appointment, as I see it. If you see things differently, just say so in the forums, or better yet, go fuck yourself. For each group, I’ve given a nominee for Best Picture from the Academy Awards that is representative of the level of worthiness.
GROUP 1: COMPLETE DISGRACES THREATENING TO UNDERMINE THE LEGITIMACY OF THE ENTIRE PROCESS (1993 – The Fugitive)
- Evan Erwin
- Riki Hayashi
- Peter Hoefling
- Peter Jahn
- Patrick Jarrett
- Craig Jones
- Tom Martell
- Sean McKeown
- Rashad Miller
- Joey Pasco
- Steve Sadin
- Gerry Thompson
- Jacob Van Lunen
- Gavin Verhey
- Conley Woods
- Tom LaPille
- Mark Rosewater
We can say pretty confidently that each of the above listed individuals lacks sufficient knowledge and understanding of the Pro Tour and/or its history to ever have a vote. I don’t know if this makes me Magic’s version of a racist Jim Crow southerner, but I think having to pass a test about the Pro Tour and the individuals on the ballot is a reasonable requirement for admission to the selection committee. Would anyone on this list pass such a test besides maybe Martell and LaPille (who might know some of the dry facts just by being huge barns)?
GROUP 2: WE PAY PRETTY CLOSE ATTENTION, AND WE’VE NEVER HEARD OF YOU (2010 – Winter’s Bone)
I ran the following list by 2011 HOF hopeful Mark Herberholz and long time pro Eric “EFro” Froehlich just to make sure this wasn’t just my personal lack of knowledge. Mark’s response to my query of “Do you know who anyone on this list is?” was “not a goddamn soul” and EFro’s was “no of course not, [I] only know real people.”
Why is us having knowledge of your existence a prerequisite for getting a vote (errrr, two votes)? Besides the obvious “because I said so,” there is the additional reasoning that if we haven’t heard of the person in our collective tens of thousands of hours of playing on the Pro Tour or interacting with people who play on the Pro Tour or used to play on the Pro Tour, what is the likelihood the person is close enough to the tour to matter?
I’ll break these people down by the category that Wizards gives for their selection. Otherwise it would just be alphabet soup. Here’s the list:
Longtime reporters and commentators of the Pro Tour, some of whom are current or former pro players themselves:
- Tobias Henke
- Kouchiro Maki
- Rui Oliveira
- Omar Sagol
- Hanno Terbuyken (Does having a move named after you in Street Fighter qualify you?)
- Naoaki Umesaki
- Ray Walkinshaw
- Yuusuke Yoshikawa
High-level judges, scorekeepers, and similar tournament officials:
- Jurgen Baert
- Jaap Brouwer
- Federico Calo
- Kevin Desprez
- Cristiana Dionioso
- Nick Fang
- Damian Hiller
- Carlos Ho
- Gijsbert Hoogendijk
- Jason Howlett
- Jason Lemahieu
- James MacKay
- Jeff Morrow
- Nick Sephton
- Frank Wareman
Certain administrative officials from the DCI, who have been responsible for the establishment of policy directly pertaining to the Pro Tour:
- Dale Aitken
- Enrico Boccabianca
- Ron Foster
- Damien Guillemard
- Felix Huybrechts
- Takeshi Miyasaka
- Rob Teirney
- Andrea Vitali
- Witney Williams
Other people from inside and outside Wizards of the Coast who have had occasion to directly observe and influence the Pro Tour: [holy shit they’ve DIRECTLY observed the Pro Tour on at least one occasion!!!]
- Helene Bergeot
- Elaine Chase
- Richard Cornish
- Juan Del Compare
- Chris Galvin
- Arron Goolsbey
- Paul Levy
- Mark Purvis
- Dieter Schoeters
- Jason Vogt
And finally, key Wizards employees with first-hand experience playing on the Pro Tour:
- Masami Ibamoto
- Matt Tabak
Five of these names I just made up to see if you’d notice. Not really, but I bet you believed me.
GROUP 3: PEOPLE WE LIKE, BUT WHO DON’T QUITE DESERVE TO BE ON THE COMMITTEE (2010 The Fighter –these swollen ten-pictures-nominated-years are useful for this exercise)
- Jonathan Becker
- Sam Black
- Ben Bleiweiss
- Patrick Chapin
- Paulo Vitor Damo da Rosa
- Mike Flores
- Lan Ho
- Ted Knutson
- Luis Scott-Vargas
- Adrian Sullivan
- Kenji Tsumura
- Toby Wachter
- Yuuya Watanabe
- Scott Marshall
- Jared Sylva
- Riccardo Tessitori
- Bill Rose
- Aaron Forsythe
- Zac Hill
- Erik Lauer
- Worth Wollpert
GROUP 4: PEOPLE THAT PROBABLY DESERVE TO BE ON THE COMMITTEE, BUT DON’T DESERVE DOUBLE VOTES (2007 – Michael Clayton – deserved a nod but never the win (a win is kinda like a double vote … stay with me here)).
- Collin Jackson
- Sheldon Menery
- Josh Bennett
- Brian David-Marshall
- Richard Hagon
- Bill Stark
GROUP 5: PEOPLE THAT DESERVE DOUBLE VOTES (1977 – Annie Hall and 2007 – No Country For Old Men – my selections for “Best Pictures among all Best Pictures”)
Members of the Magic: The Gathering Pro Tour Hall of Fame:
- Dirk Baberowski
- Kai Budde
- Randy Buehler
- Alan Comer
- Kamiel Cornelissen
- Robert Dougherty
- Jon Finkel
- Tsuyoshi Fujita
- Nicolai Herzog
- Tomi Hovi
- David Humpherys
- Frank Karsten
- Darwin Kastle
- Brian Kibler
- Raphael Levy
- Robert Maher Jr.
- Zvi Mowshowitz
- Gabriel Nassif
- Olle Rade
- Ben Rubin
- Antoine Ruel
- Olivier Ruel
- Bram Snepvangers
- Mike Turian
- Jelger Wiegersma
- Gary Wise
I’ve included Buehler, Comer, Snepvangers and the cheaters since excluding them is “a whole ‘nother jar of molasses” as my Nana used to say.
Looking at the percentage of committee members whose inclusion is either a complete joke or a total mystery (who are they?), and given the fact that their selection gives them double what someone with 100 pro points has actually earned, maybe we should just scrap the selection committee idea and create a new system.
KaGGo
July 19, 2011
So 30 people we know get 1 vote while 10 people who should get 1 vote, get 2. And 75 people who we have never heard of get 2 votes.
That’s 160 votes in fog and 40 votes deserving (obviously I didn’t use exact numbers). Seems like 20 FNM’ers who play mono white knights playing ring toss at a carnival (thus inducting whoever they strangle with a lopsided ring) would be a more accurate representation of the community and the game’s want for pro tour inductees rather than these people who may have observed a pro tour, first hand, on one occasion.
Jon Finkel
July 19, 2011
Any article which mentions Martell as a complete disgrace and me as completely deserving is a winner in my book. In addition, your point is completely 100% correct.
I still can’t believe that Steve OMS an Huey arent in the hall.
Brian Doran
July 19, 2011
I agree with a lot of this, but it’s really biased. Who are you to decide who is and who isn’t deserving? Perhaps WotC chooses to disclose a lot of information so it’s vindictive community can’t properly examine it.
mtglampoon
July 19, 2011
@Brian, you just posted a negative comment right after Jon fucking Finkel said my point is completely 100% correct. Embarrassing.
Brian Doran
July 19, 2011
@Finkel: You deserves nothing, it’s been how long since you have accomplished anything? There’s a reason you weren’t voted then and it’s more apparent now. Maybe you should make another campaign article on CFB, maybe they will care this time around.
Monty Ashley
July 19, 2011
So in your New World Order, people not listed get to stay on the committee, right? I’m, um, asking for a friend.
blisterguy
July 19, 2011
Awkward.
Frank Lepore
July 19, 2011
Aaaaaaand Brian Doran just misplaced his credibility. Has anyone seen it? Anyone?
Graham Croucher
July 19, 2011
That’s a pretty comprehensive list of “How dumb and clueless Sperling, Heezy and EFro are”.
Just because you never got out of your too-busy-losing drunken stupor to find out the name of the people running the event/covering the event/making the event exist, doesn’t mean they don’t have a say in which of your drunken stupor buddies gets a vote.
Brook Gardner-Durbin
July 19, 2011
@BrianDoran Not sure if you’re trolling or very stupid. In case you are very stupid: Finkel is in the HoF; in fact, I’m pretty sure he was already in the HoF before Wizards decided to start a HoF. He gave the world Shadowmage Infiltrator and came out of retirement for a weekend and wrecked a GP.
Frank Lepore
July 19, 2011
Brook, not to nitpick, but it was actually Pro Tour Kuala Lumpur
Brook Gardner-Durbin
July 19, 2011
My mistake, all the more impressive.
Brian Doran
July 19, 2011
I doesn’t afraid of anything.
Adam
July 19, 2011
This article felt like it could have been put on a non satirical website. I didn’t even know the selection committee got double the votes and my jaw dropped when I first saw the list without that knowledge.
mtglampoon
July 19, 2011
@Graham Croucher
Oh ya, well at least my name doesn’t sound like graham cracker.
blisterguy
July 19, 2011
Luckily for Graham, neither does his name.
Guest
July 19, 2011
Helene Bergeot
Elaine Chase
Arron Goolsbey
Paul Levy
The fact that you don’t know the Director of OP, Director of Brand, Senior Director of Marketing and OP, and Magic’s Brand Manager (OR COLLECTIVELY THE PEOPLE THAT DECIDE TO BRING YOU HOF AND PT PROGRAMS) makes you, Efro and Herberholz pretty fucking ignorant.
SpErFro
July 19, 2011
Shocker, fishing for suckers and eyeballs catches some fish. NEWS AT ELEVEN.
Oh and it’s “legitimacy.”
Just saying.
MtgVector
July 19, 2011
When writing a satirical article, you shouldn’t make so many good points, otherwise people get really confused.
Jacob Van Lunen
July 20, 2011
I’m offended.
rak
July 20, 2011
While I agree with the spirit of the article. Not recognizing coverage names (henke and blisterguy) and more importantly the current level 5 judges (hoogendijk etc) is absolutely ridiculous. But then are Herberholz (a hasbeen) and efro (a never been) really the people you should be running that list of current PT names by? No.
Again, I agree with what you’re saying but it would come over a lot more believable and might actually have a chance at changing something without all the hyperbole.
matteo
July 20, 2011
Either this is terrible satire or you’re a complete moron
matteo
July 20, 2011
(obviously that was aimed at sperling not rak, my phone never seems sure what it’s replying to)
slearch
July 20, 2011
entwine
CJ Shrader
July 20, 2011
The current L5 judges are Toby Elliott, Scott Marshall, and Riccardo Tessitori. I am not clear what level Hoogendijk is.
Anthony Izzo
July 20, 2011
i can’t believe that doran guy tried to insult finkel of all people
Franky Boy
July 20, 2011
I’m glad someone finally outed Evan Erwin and Mark Rosewater as the buffoons they are!
m00tzman
July 20, 2011
Everything about this, from the article to the comments is pure comedic gold. Thanks, internet.
JJNess
July 20, 2011
Articles like this are the reason why I never bother writing anything more than Mirri/Tahngarth slash fiction
heezy
July 20, 2011
Does no one get that this is a humor website and every article is satire? Do I know people on that list? Of course I do. Is it funnier to pretend I don’t and play along with the theme of the article? I thought so but apparently not. I am surprised that so many people took offense to what I thought was obviously an onion esque article that was being ridiculous and over the top.
Brian Doran
July 20, 2011
I can’t believe it’s not butter.
prandollar
July 20, 2011
This is to satire as squeezing the puss from a pimple onto paper is to art. Feckless, witless, pointless.
slearch
July 20, 2011
doesn’t look like sperling’s gotten around to deleting disparaging comments on this one yet. so…
add a joke
Name
July 20, 2011
I don’t understand.
This article is either intended to be serious(in which case it’s shit because it’s wrong), or funny (in which case it’s shit because it’s shit).
Can anybody enlighten me as to which type of shit it is?
quasius
July 20, 2011
And you delete comments you don’t like.
Joey One Nut
July 20, 2011
Your oscar nominations alone, leave me with a foul taste
Fake Mark Rosewater
July 20, 2011
I took this deck to FNM and got disqualified
Jon Finkel
July 20, 2011
So people here really think that Sperling thinks Mark Rosewater and Tom Martell are disgraces to the entire process? And not that maybe he’s having a bit of a laugh while making his larger point that the selection committee has a lot of ‘wtf’ to it?
And man, I didn’t realize I ‘d wronged this Brian Doran character in a past life. Sorry for spilling your milk/beating up your mom/shoving you in a locker/calling your girlfriend fat/whatever it was I did to offend you.
MtgVector
July 20, 2011
After looking at all the commotion this article has caused, I see why people are getting hurt and taking it personal… Where is Paul Rietzl? (extrapolating from your reasoning, we all know in which group he belongs, yet he seems conveniently left-out)
AdamNightmare
July 20, 2011
Jon Finkel – Childhood bully. News at 11.
Brian Doran
July 20, 2011
@Finkel: it’s more your fan boys really
Brian Doran
July 20, 2011
You kicked my dog!
ted brunkleman
July 20, 2011
this article was great, and if anyone says otherwise, you just don’t understand the humor. i mean, who hasn’t read a list of names and sort of chuckled to themselves? and then there was ANOTHER list of names? and another? good lord, with each progressive list of names i kept chortling louder and louder until the article ended.
does anyone have a phonebook i can borrow?
L. Kap
July 20, 2011
It seems that a lot of the commenters are of the belief that something intended as humor is supposed to be funny for everyone. If you don’t give a shit about the HOF process, obviously satire of said process is not going to be funny. The whole reason this article exists is because a lot of conversation about this exact topic has been happening on the main social networks.
Of course, i can’t be surprised. Magic players are renowned for the “This doesn’t appeal to my demographic specifically, therefore it is bullshit” mentality.
To ted (not to single you out, but your post is the only one currently on my screen):
Yep it’s a list. The thing it’s making fun of? Also a list. He didn’t just randomly decide that the list of names was funny, Sperling just broke the list into categories.
prandollar
July 20, 2011
I could write the sentence “The dog did a big brown whoopsie on the cat’s head” and then show it to a young child. The child would probably find it very funny. Have I just written a good piece of comic writing? No.
However, it may be a considerably better piece of writing that this, which is a bunch of lists and insults and some less than witty movie references. It’s not exactly Annie Hall levels of sophistication, is it?
ted brunkleman
July 20, 2011
i just find reading lists of people’s names really funny. i actually found the short, one-sentence blurbs between most of the lists sort of distracting.
i’m confused now, because i thought that’s why people liked this article. did people actually find the one-sentence comparisons with the oscars between the lists funny?
Ryan Golden
July 20, 2011
anyone who construes this article as over-the-top is hilarious and clearly has not been around for long
Drew M.
July 20, 2011
Clearly the point of this article was to produce an infinitely funnier forum thread. Well done.
IHeartMagicCards
July 20, 2011
This article is serious business, and I am furious. The very act of reading this article has disrupted entirely my life’s fragile balance, and will be undoubtably be forever counted as my most traumatic Major Life Event.
Many sleepless nights await me sir, as I intend to fully ruin you via any and every legal, illegal, physical, mental, emotional and sexual action at my disposal.
Mr. Sperling, I have an associates degree in law from University of Phoenix. You?
hudnall56
August 3, 2011
Well played, sir.
GiveUpYet?
July 29, 2011
Speaking of hall of shame, there is also the Hall of no shame, which currently has one member (Conley Woods).
SwiftWit
August 3, 2011
*gasp*
dying
entwine almost as funny as a phone book
*gasp*
bwahaha